Women — know your place.
That is message being given to you by the sickening reaction to the Clapham Common vigil on Saturday. People are asking should Cressida Dick resign, I’d rather know why she wasn’t there leading from the front. One of her employees is accused of committing the hate crime in question. It would have been an appropriate response.
Men are rightly asking themselves what they can do, one of my colleagues captured this well by referencing spheres of influence, sharing my thoughts on how you can tangibly influence your own spheres:
If you have toddlers/young kids:
- Have a conversation with them about societal definitions of gender roles, if you don’t Disney will and they will either become a Princess waiting for a male rescuer or a male protagonist taking risks expecting to succeed from pluck alone. Or the BBC will define it for you and they will think all Fire prevention officers are Sam and all Postal deliveries are from Pat.
If you have older boys:
- Talk to them about the portrayal of women online and in video games. If you don’t then GTA will and they will think all women are strippers, or Call of Duty will and they will believe violence is linked to success. Help them find more positive portrayals of women.
If you have older girls:
- Talk to them about the portrayal of women’s bodies in media, that their peers, whose selfies ape models and reality TV stars, are seeking validation in the very singular way that male society has identified for them. They don’t need to follow. Help them identify more realistic role-models for positive femininity.
If you have male friends:
- Call out misogynistic behaviour & jokes, challenge it, remind perpetrators that women are people. Whilst, biologically at least, we all had mums, many of us have wives, partners, friends, daughters, sisters and female colleagues. How would you feel if any of them saw this content. Being silent is giving approval.
If you have female friends or partners:
- Be an ally, seek and listen to their stories, offer to help but don’t make them responsible for your awareness. Be prepared to hear and actively seek hard feedback, be prepared to change your behaviours.
If you work:
- Positively influence your work environment, call out and address micro stereo-typing, make sure all voices get a chance to be heard, don’t pre-determine who is a better fit for a project or role, we all have subconscious biases, be aware of them. Assess if the same people always end up in the lead or support roles on a project. Ask questions about female experience and listen. Be active and visible, signal that it is important. Again, don’t hold under-represented groups responsible for your education.
If you live in society:
- Model positive behaviour. be aware of how your male presence can influence situations, recognise that just by being there, or just by walking down a street, you can be adding to someone’s stress — or that you can also make the space a more welcoming one. Find and support related groups to donate money or time to. Seek out different perspectives, again hold yourself accountable to be informed.
If you vote:
- Don’t expect your politicians to solve this, they’ve had ages and rarely do anything. Expect a few weeks of virtue signalling then nothing. Look at BLM, once they started pushing for real change they were branded as extremists. It is worth remembering the Suffragettes were originally defined as terrorists and criminalised. Just look at the makeup of the government, is it realistic to expect a group of privately educated, mostly white, mostly male politicans who have all benefitted from the current status quo to now challenge it? You’ll have to do it yourself and you will have to support the people with the courage to organise those challenges.
This is a moment when the veil across the societal structure is pulled back. We get a glimpse that actually the police may not be there to protect us but to keep us in line. The state needs our complicity to maintain the status quo to a model that gets reinforced by mass media, when we step out of line we get snapped back in. They cannot stop you challenging yourself, learning from others and influencing your sphere.